Saturday, April 26, 2008

Getting to Know The Crazy Man Talking To You Part 5

Once again, more TMI about me and my sick mental processes. By the way, I have mostly given up on editing out all of the sexual stuff, since it is quite obvious that I manage to draw the freaks regardless. Still, I am not nearly as twisted or perverted as it may seem. Unless it turns you on, in which case I am TOTALLY as perverted as it may seem.

1. If there was any one celeb that you would want to beat the snot out of who would it be?

Toss up between Nick Cannon and R. Kelly.

2. What is your favorite food?

Peanut Butter Oreos. I'm like Martian Manhunter in a way. Except without the power or being Martian.

3. Which is better Catholic Schoolgirl uniforms or cheerleading outfits?'s so hard to choose.......both have short skirts for easy access.... I would have to say schoolgirl uniforms, especially with buttoned shirts. I like my women in clothes that can be dramatically ripped open, resulting in a cascade of buttons hitting the floor as her sexual battlecry.

OK, Vermmy, I'm a Nick Cannon mark. Suppose I don't let you wail on Mr. Cannon, and for the sake of the children (even though he makes damn good music), give you $1,000,000.00 to destroy R. Kelly. Don't ask me how, I'd need to do a lot of stuff I wouldn't be proud of. Do you take the deal?

Yes, I would, for three reasons: 1) All of R. Kelly's good music is already out. So that won't be a huge loss. 2) I have managed to tolerate Cannon this long without a bullet in his head, I can go longer still. Plus, I can always go after him when you aren't looking. It will be a freebie. 3) Coming up with anecdotes about how you managed to raise a million dollars so quickly would be a very nice bonus.

1. What did you think of Miriam from that television show?

I have no idea what you are talking about. Got to give a name for the show, anything better that just that.

2. Why would you make a good husband?

I'm kind, compassionate, loyal, my mother already made sure any pigheaded tendencies were beaten out of me, I listen, and I not only don't mind, but I ENCOURAGE my wife to explore other women as long as I get to watch every once in a while.

3. You have been falsely accused of a crime. Describe your reaction.

My mind races as I try to figure out how the hell I could be accused of a crime. Then I start humming 'Bohemian Rhapsody' while trying to recall everything I learned from Law & Order.

4. If you were down to your last $5, what would you do with it?

I try to make it home, and stay there until I can get some money from my folks. You are really digging for these questions, aren't you?

5. Choose: a relationship with an extremely hot girl that never does an ounce of work except in the bedroom, or a relationship with a girl who is pretty, but not overly so, average in bed and contributes equally in the relationship.

For what? One night stand: obviously the hot girl. Long-term relationship: the sorta-pretty girl. I can't afford a trophy wife for more than a night, so my options are limited.

6. A dominant or submissive girl: which turns your crank more?

Dominate girl, definitely. If she can find a submissive 'friend' to join her, even better.

7. Sydney or Melbourne?

Uh......Sydney? Edit: The guy asking these is Austrailian, and no, he hasn't told me why I am suppose to choose between the two.

8. Favourite meat that comes from pigs?

If necessary, sausage. But I really don't like pork.

9. What, if anything, would you like to do on your last day of life?

Have sex and/or kill people who I hate, dislike, loathe, mildly tolerate, and/or just feel like need to be removed. If I am gonna die, why should I continue to pretend I am an upstanding citizen with no murderous intent? Kids, that is what we call too much information.

10. Event in history you would have liked to be present at?

Joke answer: My coronation as Emperor of the World. Serious answer: No real choice really. I would miss electricity, internet, and/or indoor plumbing too much. If I had to choose right away, I would say the beginning of the universe, just so I can say I did. That's right, boo. I still have the hangup of actually wanting flushing and proper toliet paper in my time traveling.

11. Opinion of the Spartans?

Crazy bastards who inspired a kickass graphic novel and, hopefully, a kickass movie.

12. What is your favourite Roman numeral?

III. Because I am a "Third" (the third person with my name, after my father and grandfather).

13. Have I ever inspired you? If so, how?


14. Have you ever heard Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire? If so, what did you think?

Catchy, if a little confusing.

15. Worst Simpson episode ever?

The one with Michale Jackson singing for Lisa's birthday. That song is annoying as hell, and having him play a character so close to prepubescent kids is creepy.

16. Favourite character in Heroes?

Hiro for his powers and outlook; Claire for other more obvious reasons.

17. On a scale of one to ten, how pissed off would you be if you were getting a blowjob from any woman of your choice and in the middle of it, you lost all sensation?

Not much, when I think about it. Mostly because she will just have to keep going until it comes back.

18. What is your biggest regret of the past two days?

Not getting that Italian dressing when I still had my vehicle. Now I can't make my chicken Parmesan until my father gets back in town.

19. What music track do you find most beneficial for writing porn?

NERD - Tape You or silence. Edit: This has changed to whatever is on at the moment. i am remarkably versatile, plus I haven't really written anything in quite some time.

20. Are you sorry you asked for more questions?

No. I did the Hot Seat for the attention, and I need more. Plus I am bored, and I really only read this board and The Dish, and I want new posts, dammit! Come on people! Salma Hayek is freakin' pregnant and engaged! NOBODY has anything to say? Edit: only thing changed is that Salma gave birth and got married.

For the edification of those who wish to read them, here are the previous entries:

And if you want more soul baring (as well as some baring of a different part of my anatomy), drop me a line and ask a question!

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