Greetings, loyal followers and future masters of the lands to fall under my sway,
As many of you are well aware, I planned to begin my incusion into world domination by appearing on the reality television show Beauty and the Geek. I auditioned for last season, but was not chosen. After being given a shot for "The Pickup Artist" (aka "Who Wants To Be A Complete Douchenozzle In A Stupid Hat"), I was contacted again for the upcoming season.
Yes, I heard it was canceled too. Not important now.
What is important is that I need to make another audition tape. The problem is that I hate talking about myself. I have spent the last 20+ years hiding my geekiness to the world, only to be forced to unload it onto a 10-minute video. It doesn't help that I live in a neighborhood that lacks.....a geek-welcoming environement.
Lets face it: if I walked outside my house with a foam sword and a cape on, I would get shot. Hell, I am amazed I haven't gotten shot already.
As I told a college buddy of mine today: I am just used to not talking about myself.
Hardly anyone in my family knows what the hell I talk about most times, my schoolmates were too busy fucking and other stupid teenager stuff, and most of the people I could connect to were out of town, out of state, or out of country. So after a few years of weird stares and an accusation of satanic worship, you kinda learn to not advertise the geekiness so much.
Plus, I am fairly humble, and tend to avoid taking compliments. And I hate seeing myself in front of people. Which is weird, seeing as how I am trying to get onto a television show.
But that is going to change, and you people are going to help me do it. I have 24 hours to make a new tape. And I need questions, suggestions, ideas, what have you. What can I do on this tape to show real geek material? If you can, see if you can find some other audition tapes (not Richard Rubin; that guy makes me feel inadequate in my geekiness) or anything.
Here are some facts about me that you can work with.
If we do this, I promise to post the video here for your enjoyment. It will be the most open and free I would have been with anyone, including several therapists and my own parents. And you will get to see it first hand.
So, whatcha got?