Friday, February 08, 2008

Hotties in my Book Returns: Raquel Welch

Ah, yes. The return of my recurring display of penis-inflicted semi-chauvinist male behavior is back. But who could possibly be so hot, so tempting, so drop dead jockey-creaming to rouse me from my slump? For that woman, my friends, I had to get a bit old school. A bit more mature. I give you Madame Raquel Welch.

Who?:Listen, if you are a straight American male, and are not familiar with Raquel Welch, then you, sir, are not a man, or even a human being. I dare say you are some form of soulless automaton. Hell, her enitre career is built on two iconic pieces of skimpy clothing: the fur bikini from One Million Years, BC (fun fact: it was a remake) and the American flag one piece (with cowboy hat!) from Myra Breckenridge. But she has been in other projects, in case your memory was too encrusted by not-so-nightly emissions due to those films. She even followed Julie Andrews and Liza Minelli in the Broadway version of Victor/Victoria. ANd she had a memorable turn on Seinfeld as an exaggerated version of herself. Currently, she is starring in Welcome to the Captain, a new sitcom on CBS.

Enough with the recap, that is what Wikipedia is for. Let's get to the nitty -gritty.

Why?: Why would you even ask? Have you SEEN her? Look at the videos again. See that woman? She is 67 years old. SIXTY-SEVEN. That is 6*10+7= fucking hot. She actually looks sexier than she did back in the day. And she is separated and looking! The video is from her Craig Fergeson's show, where she was promoting her new show. To paraphrase a very wise man: I'm a man, she's Raquel Welch, of course I want to apply!

Why Not?: Well as someone on YouTube stated, if you get married four times and they all don't work out, it is kinda difficult to blame the other person. Best case scenario: she has bad taste in men, or they are really good liars. Being men, the latter is highly suspect. Plus, as she says in the interview (continued below), she has been disappointed by younger men, so she is shying away from that dating pool. Of course, this just means I have less competition. The only other strike: my actually having seen Myra Breckenridge. Now, I am going to be honest with you, that movie left me very confused about certain things. If I did see her in that star-spangled swimsuit, I am going to wonder who exactly is going to be the ...uh...lets say, lead on this dance. Even worse, I might like it. Eeee!

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