Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Online Cliches That Need To DIE.

As you know, I have no real life. And as such, I spend most of my time on the internet. Because of this, I have to say I have quite a bit of experience with the Web that is world wide. But still, some things piss me off to no goddamn end.

One of those things is when people use Internet cliches, especially when they are used incorrectly. It could be certain terms, or jokes, or references. They all have one thing in common: they are all annoying.

That is what this list is for. This is by no means ranked; they all piss me off to major degrees. Feel free to add any you feel I missed, or any examples you have encountered.

So to begin:

The word "fugly" and any derivatives. Mostly because 90% of the folks that use it have no idea what the hell they are talking about. As I understood it, it meant so horrifically ugly that you cannot stand to look. The sight melts your eyeballs. And yet, folks just throw the word around at just about anyone. Just because you may not find someone particularly gorgeous doesn't mean they are fucking CHUDs. It may just be me, but if my loins say 'yes', then they are attractive. If my loins scream in horror and retreat into my abdomen, then they can be considered somewhat displeasing. And yes "butterface" is included.

Horrible spelling, punctuation and grammar. Now, I know I am not perfect, and I can fuck up a word when I am really lazy, but people, come on. Firefox has a lovely little add-on that lets you spell check everything you type. Blog, posts, comments, everything. And soon IE7 will have it, because it is Firefox beaten to an inch of it's life and then wrapped in the Microsoft banner. So there are no escu....fuck!....excuses.

And for the love of Mike, type actual sentences. Unless you just learned English, you have no excuse for nonsensical ramblings with little to no correct punctuation. How are others supposed to mock debate with you if they can't understand a goddamn word? And how do you do that anyway? Are you typing on a stagecoach? Or during a monsoon? What is happening where you can take the time to read and comments, but you can't take the time to craft even one legible line?

Calling just any female a whore, bitch, slut or anything similar. Let's get one thing straight: a whore is a prostitute. They have no-strings sex in direct exchange for money. Just because a woman has sex does not make her a whore. That makes her a human being with working sexual organs. For example, Paris Hilton has sex for free, so she cannot possibly be a whore. Now, when you get me defending fucking PARIS HILTON'S HONOR, you know you have pissed me off.

What happened to fucking decorum? When did it become cool to disrespect women like that? I don't care whether or not they are celebrities, I don't see where they have to accept it because they are or aren't famous. And don't use that "the irony of women's lib" crap on me, either. Nowhere in the feminist manifesto or on the SAG card does it say that women have to sacrifice the right to be referred to as actual people. Now I can get a good horny chick joke as much as the next guy, but when your "humor" is primarily based on repeatedly insulting women, you aren't funny, you are a misogynistic dickwad. Which reminds me...

Goblins. My own nomenclature. Unlike trolls, who post the most asinine things on boards and such just to piss people off, regardless of their true feelings; goblins are those who KNOW they don't agree with certain viewpoints, and actively seek out supporters of those viewpoints and antagonize them. They are mean spirited beings who seek to piss other people off instead of engaging in civilized dialogue. They bring nothing but ill will and bad tempers, and leave many discussions thoroughly wrecked.

But they don't do it for laughs like trolls, they do it out of a misconception that they are going to magically gain converts by showing them how stupid their opinions are, and then act victimized when their targets don't accept their comments lying down. They are the ones who insult celebs to their fans, then whine about being censored and accosted when the fans start fighting back. They are the ones that create threads or make comments lambasting the proprietor of the very site they are bitching on. Many a decent thread has been burned down because if this.

The problem isn't that they have an opposing view; it is how they present it. It is like I said in my vegetarian post. Treating people like idiots, or worse, like God-forsaken lost souls in need of your leadership is a quick way to earn a lot of beatdowns. The internet feeds this by giving one person the ability to anonymously piss off hundreds, of not thousands of people a second. The net is about bringing people together, not creating divisions and hatred over some bullshit remark that really wasn't that insightful or funny enough to warrant such treatment.

The First Amendment gives you the right to say what you want without the government stopping you; I, as a private citizen, don't have to put up with your claptrap.

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8 brain pickings:

  1. When I write for Yeeeah!, I try to be creative -- but last Friday I called Kirsten Dunst a "fugtard" and I stand by my insult.

    PS: I wholeheartedly agree -- Sienna Miller is a fox. I've heard rumors about her being a spoiled prima donna, and I don't know if that's true... But I do know that she is freaking gorgeous and has a fabulous style.

    Ahem. Just saying.

  2. You get a pass because of the rosy cheeks. And because Dunst does fit the definition of fugly currently.

  3. Man, cheek-biter Salted gets a pass for everything.

    I'd like to think that I'm mostly innocent of the crimes on this list. Although, I have been known to call my blog a whore, but that's different.

  4. Wow, thanks! I hate the way insults about women are thrown around the internet, as if the women's movement was only about getting better pay.

    Also, there are only two girls who should be able to use the word "Fug" and they have the website for it. Those girls are all about the Constructive criticism.

    note - Firefox just politely checked my spelling of "criticism." Thanks, Firefox!

  5. I really enjoyed this post (Pajiba linked it, which is kind of cool of them) remind me of my little brother, in a very good way. I was especially keen on your women and grammar comments.

  6. Vermillion,

    Domo Arigato Gozaimasu!

    While I too like to think that I always remain civil (at least online) your post reminded me that I could be more vigilant when responding to anger with anger.

    Keep it comin'

  7. Manny: As soon as you get some rosy cheeks, sure.

    The CHEEKS ON YOUR FACE, ya perv.


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