When am I going to freaking learn?
*sigh*
Yep. Doing it again. Signed up for yet another Cannonball Read, I resolved to actually start writing more on the blog, so on and so forth.
I don't know. People make a big stink about getting your stuff out there. But it really isn't easy, is it? You hear the same old tune "You've got something to say, then say it!" But reality doesn't work that way.
We don't simply say stuff to say it. We say stuff you hear someone say something back. We don't want monologue. We want conversation., We want reaction. I want reaction.
I want people to agree, disagree, support, challenge, blantantly rip off, acknowledge, disregard, question, answer, and basically take every word I put here and take out all their love anf rustrations on them. I want feedback. I want...something.
But I'm not going to get it. Face it, this blog could disappear as I'm typing this, and nobody would care. Hell it has been inert for a year and nobody cared. Not even me.
But I do come back. Again and again, for something I know isn't there. Just to hear my own voice, read my own words. Marvel at it. The utter pointlessness of it.
I shouldn't let the silence get to me. i should keep writing regardless of the lack of comments or links or attention. That's what the old wisdom says. But I can't. It defeats the whole purpose of doing this. Pretending like it doesn't get to me is bullshit. It does. It always did. And it always will.
If someone does read this, and you manage to not be a spambot scanning to see what words you can link to whatever weirdly specific dating site you are working for, thanks. Thanks for reading. For considering. For engaging me for the little time it took. I do appreicaite it.
I've read everything you've posted on this blog and I really wish you would post more often. I had a blag wobsite for years filled with poetry, complaints, paranoia, pictures, etc. And I deleted it because I didn't want my words, that I thought long and hard on even choosing, to just hang in the air like old smoke. I didn't realize that when I did, my out of touch family lost all that information and personality that they were obsessing over each time I posted. I can't recreate that.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm making a point, maybe. Someone somewhere, or everyone everywhere if you want, is hanging on your every word and trying to pick apart everything you say. I don't think people are drawn to people because of fate, but everyone has a little match.com file in their head that makes a unique connection to certain people. I've learned over the years to listen to that connection voice (I like to imagine Morgan Freeman narrating my life); good things come of it.
Please don't disappear as I'm typing this. You need to know that you are listened to, acknowledged, appreciated, respected, etc. I'm just trying to think of better words than "good" or "ehh, I'd do 'em".
Morgan Freeman wants you to know that I totally feel this weird and cool connection to you, and it makes me want you to be happy and feel good about who you are and what you write.
Anyway, if you want more website hits, you should probably think about flashing your wang. Everybody likes wang.