Where A Desire to Emulate The Author of Twilight Leads To A Dark and Regretful Turn.
Courtesy of Facebook.
Curtains open. A young man and woman walk out and take seats.
GWCH: what are you up to, other than mocking twilight
Claude: Studying between mockings mostly
GWCH: cool
Claude: I found this LiveJournal posts where the poster is discussing Twilight in the context of the LDS
It makes it even more creepy and hilarious. And shows how little originality the books have
GWCH: i think i'll skip that
and technically, i shouldn't talk
bcz i am enjoying true blood WAY to much
but
then again, i wait for moments of hilarity in a sea of wtf
Claude: I must inflict the wonderful misery on someone: http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html
then enjoy
GWCH: i'm not going to click on it
who am i kidding
i can't resist a hyperlink
Claude: I love that in one board, somebody posted as Jane Austen saying "Bitch please"
GWCH: LOL
GWCH: ok
i can't get to far into it now
bcz i'm trying to bake and make dinner
however
when iread dustin's review
and the reference to 'sparkling' in the sun
i was laughing so hard i was crying--bcz that's just stupid
Claude: it gets worse. But It is truly hilarious
I get the crack reference now
Even when it is diluted, the book's addictive, mostly to see how much worse it gets
You have your deluded crackheads, that think the stuff is the greatest thing since sliced bread
The recreational users, who know it is bad, and "can stop anytime"
And the contact highs.
GWCH: oh good grief, this is ridiculous
Claude: LOL
GWCH: the kid who plays the pasty guy will never have a career
where he's not dressed up as a cure fan trying not to kill his girlfriend
Claude: This is why I didn't get how folks were pissed that the stars were talking shit about their own movie.
GWCH: ok, if this is actually in the book, i have to wonder what the hell is wrong with people: And he's been sniffing her surreptitiously since she got to town.
Claude: Yes...
Soak it in...
GWCH: oh no
i'm going to kill these images as fast as i can
Claude: HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
GWCH: by making high calorie things and not leaving the kitchen
dude
we can totally get rich writing
Claude: Indeed
GWCH: look at the level of crap that is out there as 'popular'
i can write crap
i can ham it up for a couple of interviews
Claude: Me too
That is all I have been doing
GWCH: i insult people all the time--insulting their intelligence shouldn't be too hard
Claude: Dumbasses....yep too easy
GWCH: we need to get started
before smart comes back into fashion
Claude: I really do have an idea for a counter-Twilight vampire book
GWCH: which our new prez elect will probably contribute to
Claude: But it is actually well developed with real characters and some complexity
GWCH: no no no
you're getting it wrong already
Claude: I am trying to be stupid, but it is sooooo hard!
GWCH: you can't develop the characters--these ppl can't handle that stuff
yeah
just think of something really dumb
like a were wolf
whose fur is just irresistable to some neglected girl
Claude: Becasue it smells like butterscotch after a heavy rain
GWCH: and how she is sure her love for him will stop him from eating her for dinner during a full moon or something
YES!
perfect
Claude: And there is this....Frankenstien monster that happens to be made from the cast memebrs of Gossip Girl
GWCH: and you know what?
i almost admire men for not reading
Claude: So he is ridiculously hot in all its dead body parts glory
GWCH: bcz at least they're not reading shit like sex and the city and twilight
ohhhhh
wait
Claude: Ha
GWCH: make him the PERFECT man
he is a patchwork of a bunch of perfect body parts
he's just angry bcz no one understands him and his pain
Claude: And he is jsut so tortured he has to stalk the girl
GWCH: if he could only fit in with all the other beautiful people, everything would be ok
YES
Claude: He needs a makeover
GWCH: so he can love her for ever and ever
Claude: By the popular kids
GWCH: and maybe a really gay character will dress him up and call him fabulous
claude, we have half the book worked out now
Claude: When he gets his lettersman jacket, they will all feel so grody.
GWCH: you better give me contributing credit
Claude: Oh, and have the really slutty hot chick, that makes the main girl the Virgin Mary in comparison
Sucker....get your own!
GWCH: yes
hey
this was a collaboration
i'm not saying 50-50
but you know 60-40 would be acceptable
take me on the publicity tour
with a clothing budget
Claude: Sure thing, and you can get the film rights
GWCH: that's all i really care about
bcz i'm a girl
Claude: Just no swooning over the man meat
GWCH: hell no
ok
maybe
depending on who it is
and we have to start thinking of casting
you can never start thinking about these things to early
Claude: Excuse me? I am a dark and brooding male, you have to do as I say, or I will leave you and you will cry.
GWCH: oh no!
please, don't leave
i'm already teary as we speak
i'll just go shoe shopping
i promise
i'm sory
Claude: Right then
GWCH: sorry
i think my head will explode
Claude: Becasue if I can't have you, no one can
GWCH: aw thanks
Claude: Unless I want a sheep or some new tires, then you get traded
GWCH: HEY
you dont' even have a car
Claude: They will be good tires. Michelin
I totally do have a car.
I only let the good girls who know how to be obsessed with me inside of it
GWCH: oh
well, you're out of luck with me
i couldn't care less about cars
so i guess you'll leave me behind
and i'll be left with my closet full of shoes and baked goods
Claude: I feel like sparkling right now. Wait, somebody has that already. I will...dazzle. Yes DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: omg
what if you get stuck in this mode?
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!!
*jumps through the air*
GWCH: and we lose you to this for ever?
come back!
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: read pajiba
talk to manny
please, come back! snark!
Claude: THE DAZZLE, IT CALLS TO ME!!!!!
GWCH: omg--i crack up each time you say dazzle
Claude:............
GWCH: this is so sad--and has so much potential
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: now i'm officially worried about you
Claude: I can't breathe
GWCH: crap i have to rescue dinner
Claude: Too...much...DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: i think i need to plan an intervention
i'll organize something tomorrow
Claude: Save dinner? What you need is DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: shut up
Claude: Help me
I can't stop
GWCH: i'm seeing my husband for the first time in a week
Claude: I am even doing hand gestures
GWCH: you freak
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: i'm not going to sit in front of the computer laughing at your crazy antics
ps send me a signed copy of the book
thanks!
Claude: Of course
GWCH: ok, i really have to go now
Claude: To GWCH, DAZZLE!!! Love Claude
FIN.
Courtesy of Facebook.
Curtains open. A young man and woman walk out and take seats.
GWCH: what are you up to, other than mocking twilight
Claude: Studying between mockings mostly
GWCH: cool
Claude: I found this LiveJournal posts where the poster is discussing Twilight in the context of the LDS
It makes it even more creepy and hilarious. And shows how little originality the books have
GWCH: i think i'll skip that
and technically, i shouldn't talk
bcz i am enjoying true blood WAY to much
but
then again, i wait for moments of hilarity in a sea of wtf
Claude: I must inflict the wonderful misery on someone: http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html
then enjoy
GWCH: i'm not going to click on it
who am i kidding
i can't resist a hyperlink
Claude: I love that in one board, somebody posted as Jane Austen saying "Bitch please"
GWCH: LOL
GWCH: ok
i can't get to far into it now
bcz i'm trying to bake and make dinner
however
when iread dustin's review
and the reference to 'sparkling' in the sun
i was laughing so hard i was crying--bcz that's just stupid
Claude: it gets worse. But It is truly hilarious
I get the crack reference now
Even when it is diluted, the book's addictive, mostly to see how much worse it gets
You have your deluded crackheads, that think the stuff is the greatest thing since sliced bread
The recreational users, who know it is bad, and "can stop anytime"
And the contact highs.
GWCH: oh good grief, this is ridiculous
Claude: LOL
GWCH: the kid who plays the pasty guy will never have a career
where he's not dressed up as a cure fan trying not to kill his girlfriend
Claude: This is why I didn't get how folks were pissed that the stars were talking shit about their own movie.
GWCH: ok, if this is actually in the book, i have to wonder what the hell is wrong with people: And he's been sniffing her surreptitiously since she got to town.
Claude: Yes...
Soak it in...
GWCH: oh no
i'm going to kill these images as fast as i can
Claude: HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
GWCH: by making high calorie things and not leaving the kitchen
dude
we can totally get rich writing
Claude: Indeed
GWCH: look at the level of crap that is out there as 'popular'
i can write crap
i can ham it up for a couple of interviews
Claude: Me too
That is all I have been doing
GWCH: i insult people all the time--insulting their intelligence shouldn't be too hard
Claude: Dumbasses....yep too easy
GWCH: we need to get started
before smart comes back into fashion
Claude: I really do have an idea for a counter-Twilight vampire book
GWCH: which our new prez elect will probably contribute to
Claude: But it is actually well developed with real characters and some complexity
GWCH: no no no
you're getting it wrong already
Claude: I am trying to be stupid, but it is sooooo hard!
GWCH: you can't develop the characters--these ppl can't handle that stuff
yeah
just think of something really dumb
like a were wolf
whose fur is just irresistable to some neglected girl
Claude: Becasue it smells like butterscotch after a heavy rain
GWCH: and how she is sure her love for him will stop him from eating her for dinner during a full moon or something
YES!
perfect
Claude: And there is this....Frankenstien monster that happens to be made from the cast memebrs of Gossip Girl
GWCH: and you know what?
i almost admire men for not reading
Claude: So he is ridiculously hot in all its dead body parts glory
GWCH: bcz at least they're not reading shit like sex and the city and twilight
ohhhhh
wait
Claude: Ha
GWCH: make him the PERFECT man
he is a patchwork of a bunch of perfect body parts
he's just angry bcz no one understands him and his pain
Claude: And he is jsut so tortured he has to stalk the girl
GWCH: if he could only fit in with all the other beautiful people, everything would be ok
YES
Claude: He needs a makeover
GWCH: so he can love her for ever and ever
Claude: By the popular kids
GWCH: and maybe a really gay character will dress him up and call him fabulous
claude, we have half the book worked out now
Claude: When he gets his lettersman jacket, they will all feel so grody.
GWCH: you better give me contributing credit
Claude: Oh, and have the really slutty hot chick, that makes the main girl the Virgin Mary in comparison
Sucker....get your own!
GWCH: yes
hey
this was a collaboration
i'm not saying 50-50
but you know 60-40 would be acceptable
take me on the publicity tour
with a clothing budget
Claude: Sure thing, and you can get the film rights
GWCH: that's all i really care about
bcz i'm a girl
Claude: Just no swooning over the man meat
GWCH: hell no
ok
maybe
depending on who it is
and we have to start thinking of casting
you can never start thinking about these things to early
Claude: Excuse me? I am a dark and brooding male, you have to do as I say, or I will leave you and you will cry.
GWCH: oh no!
please, don't leave
i'm already teary as we speak
i'll just go shoe shopping
i promise
i'm sory
Claude: Right then
GWCH: sorry
i think my head will explode
Claude: Becasue if I can't have you, no one can
GWCH: aw thanks
Claude: Unless I want a sheep or some new tires, then you get traded
GWCH: HEY
you dont' even have a car
Claude: They will be good tires. Michelin
I totally do have a car.
I only let the good girls who know how to be obsessed with me inside of it
GWCH: oh
well, you're out of luck with me
i couldn't care less about cars
so i guess you'll leave me behind
and i'll be left with my closet full of shoes and baked goods
Claude: I feel like sparkling right now. Wait, somebody has that already. I will...dazzle. Yes DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: omg
what if you get stuck in this mode?
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!!
*jumps through the air*
GWCH: and we lose you to this for ever?
come back!
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: read pajiba
talk to manny
please, come back! snark!
Claude: THE DAZZLE, IT CALLS TO ME!!!!!
GWCH: omg--i crack up each time you say dazzle
Claude:............
GWCH: this is so sad--and has so much potential
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: now i'm officially worried about you
Claude: I can't breathe
GWCH: crap i have to rescue dinner
Claude: Too...much...DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: i think i need to plan an intervention
i'll organize something tomorrow
Claude: Save dinner? What you need is DAZZLE!!!!!
GWCH: shut up
Claude: Help me
I can't stop
GWCH: i'm seeing my husband for the first time in a week
Claude: I am even doing hand gestures
GWCH: you freak
Claude: DAZZLE!!!!
GWCH: i'm not going to sit in front of the computer laughing at your crazy antics
ps send me a signed copy of the book
thanks!
Claude: Of course
GWCH: ok, i really have to go now
Claude: To GWCH, DAZZLE!!! Love Claude
FIN.
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