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Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I am in trouble. Help. Me.

My mother is insane.

Okay, a few days ago I was at my mother's house. We were talking, and somehow we got on the topic of marriage, specifically my own. She basically said she was tired of waiting for me to find someone, so she was going to do it for me. I tried to reason with her, to explain this was America and we don't have arraigned marriages. But she didn't want to hear it. I let it go, thinking that it was simply her maternal instinct kicking in at an odd moment.

Unfortunately, fate was on her side.

See, while we were talking, Jeopardy (the game show) was coming on. It was the College Championship series, and the contestants were qualifying for the semi-finals. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal.

Until Mom saw her.

Apparently, due to a confluence of factors (including the fact that both Gabrielle and I answered questions correctly at the same time), my mother has deemed her TOP MRS VERMILLION NUMBER ONE. She has sworn to find this young woman and see if she can make us work.

I know what you are thinking. And it is not that damn funny.

To Gabrielle or any of her friends that might stumble upon this: I am so sorry. I did not approve of this in any way. You are quite attractive, and if you are interested, I would be quite eager to follow this through. But please do not hold my mother's actions against me or anyone in the fine state of Georgia. I blame the lack of water, really.

5 brain pickings:

  1. I shall file this under "funny 'cuz it's not me."

    ReplyDelete
  2. What are you? Iranian? Related to me? And while I am admittedly laughing hysterically, it is only because I REALLY do know what you're going through.

    If you'd like I could entertain you for hours with true stories.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, I'm laughing but only because I figure, at some point, you have laughed at me as well.

    Paybacks are a bitch, no?

    ReplyDelete
  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    PWNED!

    By your mom...and.... Alex Trebek

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ummm...she's cute...maybe it (snicker) won't be so bad?

    (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

    Dude, it could be worse. You could have your PARENTS make subtle hints every single weekend about dying without holding their grandchildren.

    Uhhh...good luck, dude. If you read this Gabrielle, I fully endorse getting to know him. He's much cooler than he appears. I think. Hehe...

    ReplyDelete

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