That heart-to-heart with my dad about quitting? EPIC. FAIL.
Yep, he feels that I need tough love or whatnot, and that by forcing me to sacrifice my schooling to work, it is going to teach me something.
See, this is how his mind works:
"I only want things my way. But I can't say that, because it makes me look bad. So I simply give the choice to either do it my way with all my support, or do it by yourself. I do this knowing full well how much you depend on me."
And you know what? He is right. Absolutely right.
And I am going to tell him. See while I am pretending to be simpering along like a good son, I am still going to be doing my own thing. And I am going to make it. I will happily take this half-baked job and use it to fund my own endeavors. And if they try to make me do more than what I am doing now, I am going to refuse. They can't fire me, because I am doing my job. I simply refused a promotion.
And when (not if, WHEN) I do break out of this doldrums, and get self- sufficient, I am going to go to my dad and tell him:
"Dad, you were right. Absolutely right. And I thank you. All it cost was my self-confidence, a few months of depression and suicidal thoughts, and any respect and trust I had for you. I really hope it was worth it."
And then walk away. But here is the kicker: I am not going to put him out of my life. I am going to succeed, and I will be happy to have him there. But I will never trust him again. I will never ask for help, and if he offers I will flat out refuse. And if he needs a helping hand, I, being the awesome son I am, will gladly offer it to him.
As long as he does it MY way.
Better get back, I may hurt somebody when I blow up.
P.S. I can't thank you enough for the encouraging words. Seriously, to know so many people connect with me without even seeing a face is really, truly heartwarming.
Also, Lloyd in Space was totally what I was thinking about.
Yep, he feels that I need tough love or whatnot, and that by forcing me to sacrifice my schooling to work, it is going to teach me something.
See, this is how his mind works:
"I only want things my way. But I can't say that, because it makes me look bad. So I simply give the choice to either do it my way with all my support, or do it by yourself. I do this knowing full well how much you depend on me."
And you know what? He is right. Absolutely right.
And I am going to tell him. See while I am pretending to be simpering along like a good son, I am still going to be doing my own thing. And I am going to make it. I will happily take this half-baked job and use it to fund my own endeavors. And if they try to make me do more than what I am doing now, I am going to refuse. They can't fire me, because I am doing my job. I simply refused a promotion.
And when (not if, WHEN) I do break out of this doldrums, and get self- sufficient, I am going to go to my dad and tell him:
"Dad, you were right. Absolutely right. And I thank you. All it cost was my self-confidence, a few months of depression and suicidal thoughts, and any respect and trust I had for you. I really hope it was worth it."
And then walk away. But here is the kicker: I am not going to put him out of my life. I am going to succeed, and I will be happy to have him there. But I will never trust him again. I will never ask for help, and if he offers I will flat out refuse. And if he needs a helping hand, I, being the awesome son I am, will gladly offer it to him.
As long as he does it MY way.
Better get back, I may hurt somebody when I blow up.
P.S. I can't thank you enough for the encouraging words. Seriously, to know so many people connect with me without even seeing a face is really, truly heartwarming.
Also, Lloyd in Space was totally what I was thinking about.
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Hope things work out for ya dude. I will add this: a parent who would have his kid sacrifice his education for some "scheme" is three kinds of fuuuucked uuup.
ReplyDeleteParents are weird creatures. My dad was completely opposed to helping me during my childhood, teen, and young adult years. I learned to do stuff like ride a bike and my taxes because he simply refused to teach me.
ReplyDeleteIs parental assistance with strings any better than no assistance at all? Now that's the million dollar question.
Hang in there and maybe drop hints that you're the one who'll probably be picking out your dad's nursing home, so somebody better play nice.
Woah. Late to the party, here, as I don't peruse the blogs like I used to. I hope things get better for you soon, V.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the little people when you indeed blow up. Hang in there, sweetie.