The latest season of Beauty and the Geek is premiering on the 11th.
Unless there is some weird double season, this would be Season 5.
The season I applied for.
God, I never thought this would feel so bad. It is a freaking reality show. Why should I care? Did I really think I had a shot?
Still, it is pretty consistent with my record so far.
Science Fairs Won: 0 (closest was second place, schoolwide, which was like, a B on a test).
Scholarships Won: 1 (which forced me to attend a school I hated from the get go, and ended up losing anyway).
Colleges/Universities I Actually Wanted to Attend: 0.
Private Schools I Wanted To Attend: 0.
Jobs I Wanted And Applied For Myself: 0 (All my actual jobs, including the one I have now, came through family hookups and were never even third choice).
Response Letters From IBM On Their Job Offer: 0 (despite the fact they said they would respond NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION, and spent money on flying my ass to White Plains to interview).
Total Successful Attempts At Doing Something I Let Myself Care About: ZE-fucking-RO.
And my folks wonder why I am so hard to motivate, why I don't like doing new things or only want to do things that are easy for me. Take a good fucking look, and you can see why. As soon as I attempt something I might actually enjoy, failure is the only result. And not even clear-cut failure. No, I have wait and wonder, the tension simmering to a fine broth to add a little tang to the crushing disappointment.
And that counselor said I had bouts of depression. No shit, Sherlock, ain't nothing to be happy about.
Well, I have learned my lesson. I need to stop acting like I am going to get anything I might actually want. It won't get me next time. No, sirree. I quit. You win. I won't do that again. I am just going to accept my lot in life, and won't try to change a thing.
What is that old lottery slogan? "You can't win if you don't play"?
Well you can't lose, either. And that has to count for something.
Unless there is some weird double season, this would be Season 5.
The season I applied for.
God, I never thought this would feel so bad. It is a freaking reality show. Why should I care? Did I really think I had a shot?
Still, it is pretty consistent with my record so far.
Science Fairs Won: 0 (closest was second place, schoolwide, which was like, a B on a test).
Scholarships Won: 1 (which forced me to attend a school I hated from the get go, and ended up losing anyway).
Colleges/Universities I Actually Wanted to Attend: 0.
Private Schools I Wanted To Attend: 0.
Jobs I Wanted And Applied For Myself: 0 (All my actual jobs, including the one I have now, came through family hookups and were never even third choice).
Response Letters From IBM On Their Job Offer: 0 (despite the fact they said they would respond NO MATTER WHAT THE DECISION, and spent money on flying my ass to White Plains to interview).
Total Successful Attempts At Doing Something I Let Myself Care About: ZE-fucking-RO.
And my folks wonder why I am so hard to motivate, why I don't like doing new things or only want to do things that are easy for me. Take a good fucking look, and you can see why. As soon as I attempt something I might actually enjoy, failure is the only result. And not even clear-cut failure. No, I have wait and wonder, the tension simmering to a fine broth to add a little tang to the crushing disappointment.
And that counselor said I had bouts of depression. No shit, Sherlock, ain't nothing to be happy about.
Well, I have learned my lesson. I need to stop acting like I am going to get anything I might actually want. It won't get me next time. No, sirree. I quit. You win. I won't do that again. I am just going to accept my lot in life, and won't try to change a thing.
What is that old lottery slogan? "You can't win if you don't play"?
Well you can't lose, either. And that has to count for something.
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