Thursday, August 02, 2007

Herbert Had It Right

I was doing some reading on Feministing, since I consider myself an enlightened and progressive individual. Reading the articles and comments, I came to a mini-epiphany, if you will.

Update: I modified this work-in-progress a bit after the release and subsequent Pajiba bitchslap of Captivity.

Update 2: I have been working on this for a while, and my posting of it has nothing to do with this.

Women rule the world. Men are, for all intents and purposes, utterly useless.

Hear me out. I did not suddenly turn into some sort of traitor to the Scrotum Nation or anything. I just simply realized that the reason the world is so male-dominated is because we literally have no use past fertilization. There is not one aspect of "manly" culture that isn't designed to maximize his appeal to a potential mate (aka get a guy laid). Even such oppressive places like the Middle East and some Asian countries, the culture only oppresses women because the men are pretty much worthless without their self-imposed power.

I mean, take a look at out civilization. Really, take a look at it. In what way does it benefit men over women? For example: sex. If a man uses a sex toy, he is a pervert. If a woman uses one, she is sexually liberated. But the cultural stereotypes tell us that men want sex more than women do. So wouldn't it make sense for men to be able to use sex toys? It would, if men truly ruled the world. Instead, if a man isn't dedicating himself strictly to the pursuit of a female, or he finds a way to get his rocks off without one, he is looked upon as a failure.

As a spin off from sex, lets talk about dating and relationships. Now lets be honest: women have all the control here. Unless a dude manages to screw a woman's common sense right out of her skull, he has no choice in the matter. Men have to swallow their fear and approach the woman; remember, men who don't are losers, while women who ask men out are liberated. Men have to foot the bill for the date, and even suggesting going Dutch (why is it called that?) is considered offensive and rude. Then, after trying not to look like an ass all night, he has to torture himself wondering if you will ever talk to him again. Women control access, and no matter how nice the date, no matter how connected they are, no matter how great a guy he is, one mistake could bring the whole shebang to a grinding halt.

Oh, and lets not forget this weird little gem: there are certain men who are hard-working, caring, honest, skilled at some aspect, and dedicated to his significant other. These men are considered marriage material. Only, very few women ever want to DATE marriage material.They want to date sex-material aka 'fun' guys who really could care less about their feelings and just want to screw that common sense out. But will you hear a woman admit to that? Not likely. A man can see the same attributes in a woman, and consider her both sex and marriage-worthy in a heartbeat.

And no, I am not the least bit bitter.

Then there is the job issue. Men get paid more than women, and more high paying jobs belong to men. That is supposed to be a big sign of male dominance right? Consider this. Men are more likely to be supporting another person, whether a family or alimony or child support or what have you. And those high paying jobs are all filled by a select few men. They are a small percentage of a population that actually have pretty crappy jobs on the average. Watch an episode of Dirty Jobs, and if you can shift your focus from Mike Rowe (mmmm, Mike Rowe) for a second, you will see a lot of those crappy ass jobs have men in them. And nine times out of ten, they didn't start out liking it, but grew into the job. And they still acknowledge the crappyness of it.

There is one aspect of civilization that men do control: fashion. Most fashion for women is made to accentuate the female form. Too bad most of the men in control of that are gay, and therefore have no goddamn idea what they are doing. They make assumptions as to what a straight man would like, which are quite often wrong. Making women look like 12-year-olds is not appealing, people.

Update 3: I was watching a recorded episode of Chelsea Lately (mostly because I find Handler hot), and they had a segment talking about 'cougars' (the older women, not the animals). Craig Robinson, from The Office, made the point that cougars are preferable because of their experience and that they know what they want, ending by saying how older women will shut a man up and just enjoy the moment. This little gem was shortly followed up by entertainment reporter (basically a gossip) Micah McCain, quite obviously gay (I say this because he makes a crack about it, not because of the flamboyance), saying that younger men only let older women talk so commanding to them because they were being 'respectful', as if it is impossible for a young fellow to actually want to get his brains humped out by Mrs. Robinson (or, in my case, Mrs. Huxtable). This is more proof that the few aspects of culture men DO control are run by men who have no idea what they are doing. And older ladies, do feel free to share that loving across the generational gap.

I have expressed my theory that for every woman in the world, there is at least one man who will want to be with her. The opposite simply does not hold true. Now, there are some men who are able to fool quite a number of women into thinking they are the shit, but that just proves my point. These women are focusing on a few men, while all men have at least one woman they want to bone.

If the world ever went the way of Y: The Last Man and all the men died, it would be just like the comic: while there is some chaos because the world was so focus on so-called 'male' power, eventually the women would get their shit together and more or less get the place back up and running, and be just as shitty at the job as we are. See? Men aren't even needed to fuck up the world.

I bet you are wondering now about the title of this post. Simple: Dune. That's right. The Bene Gesserit knew the deal. They only dealt with men as breeding stock. The only man they cared about was the Kwisatz Haderach, and even then was trying to run stuff from behind the scenes. The entire universe of the book series is ran by various matriarchal factions. Herbert knew the deal. Women have been telling us that we rule everything, but that was only so we would get out of their damn way and stop bugging them.

But what do I know? I am just a guy not getting laid.

And still no, I am not the least bit bitter.

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1 brain pickings:

  1. hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here


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