Snow Day...Hell, Snow WEEK

Well, if you haven't heard, Most of Atlanta is under a crapload of snow. I mean, the whole city is FROZEN. Nobody is going anywhere. On top of that, I managed to get stuck with laryngitis and a snuffed nose for the last few days. So it was a ball of fun time for me.

What that means for you is that I can no longer procrastinate using an every increasing list of excuses be forced to deprive myself of entertianing you good followers any longer.

So while I prep my CB3 reviews (I swear they are coming), I figure I might talk to you about the hours upon hours of television I have subjected myself to. I am glad that I finally caught up on several films I had missed before.

So, without further ado:

Superman II: Not ragging on it or anything (Lord knows I wouldn't do that), but during the street fight scene (where Superman is crushed by a bus and thought dead) I noticed that 1) Metropolis citizens are wishy-washy as hell. How many times does this guy have to save them before they stop bitching and moaning everytime he leaves for a few minites. damn ya'll. And 2) there is at least one really awesome citizen though who, in response to the threat of three superbeings, goes "Let's get them, I know a little judo." No, go and watch it again, and listen for it. That is probably the bravest dumbass in cinematic extra history.

Book of Eli: Huh. Well, I think this film falls in the same pit as, say, Hancock, where I can see where they were going, and they started off pretty good, but they had no idea how they were going to keep it up the entire length. Plus, any subtext the movie had, especially around the whole "religion as a social weapon" pretty much became text. Look, I wasn't as flummoxed as apparently so many others were when the big twists happened, but I do see where the disappointment lies. By the way: so the Bible and (assumedly) all religious texts are destroyed. But books that reference those texts, like say, The Da Vinci Code were not (a copy of which are shown amognst the books brought to Carnegie in the early parts of the movie). Huh. I did like the design though. and Jennifer Beals and Mila Kunis didn't hurt things.

Dragonball Evolution: Look, I amde a deal with myself to watch at least one really shitty movie while I was sick, and it was either this or Battlefield Earth at the time. And you know what? It isn't as horrible as I thought. Now hold ON. It is still terrible. But honestly, if they cut all the compeltely unecessary high school subplot, it would have been a lot more accurate to the anime storyline. Still would ahve been a blight on humanity and another reason I still sneak my anime in, but it would have been a less bitter pill to swallow.

Women In Trouble: Well, the title is quite accurate. And it is hella funny and sad and crazy and brilliant. And i probably shouldn't be this turned on, but I mean, have you seen this film? If I wasn't at least uncomfortably aroused, I might be doing it wrong. And look at Mentalist-guy being all pensive and shit...

Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus: Well, if you have noticed, I don't relaly ahve a lot to say about the good ones. Here is another. Hot damn. I see why Terry Gilliam gets such love. And I gotta say, didn't see the last few minutes coming. Woof. But on a more serious note, if one had to ahve a last film, you could do worse like Street Fighter and I will leave it at that.

Black Dynamite: Still awesome as hell. By the way, laughing hard while having laryngitis is not a good idea. You will nearly die.

Series 7 The Contenders: I had seen this some years ago, and when I saw it on the guide, I had to turn in on again. For those of you unaware, think Battle Royale as a reality show. It is pretty fucked up, and great as hell. It is still trippy as hell to recognize folks from this film on other stuff (let me tell you, for a while I thought Grey's Anatomy was about to get reeeeeeaaaalllly interesting). And this was before the whole reality show influx thing, too. I wonder what a followup would look like.

So Finally, The Robbery Story

I know I promised this some time ago, but only recently have I found myself able to sit down and compose my thoughts. For those who I told before, there may be some things I didn't mention. For those who have no idea what this is about, well keep reading.

More than a month ago (on the 1st of October to be exact) I was home alone. My roommate was out at a late class, and my dad was next door at his residence. I was just getting off the phone with my mom telling her good night, when I heard a loud thump near the front of the house. Curious, I stood up and headed from my room towards the door.

The front door smashed in, sending the door jamb flying across the the sofa in the living room. Five or six men stormed inside, covered all in dark clothing and brandishing guns. They pushed me down on the floor and told me not to look up.

Needless to say, i did not feel like arguing.

They pulled everything from my pockets and began ransacking the house, stepping on my back to maneuver around. They wanted to know where the money was, since for some strange reason, somebody told them we were dope dealers. I denied it, and they did not believe me.

This went on for about an hour or so. They took all my cash and even the pile of change my roommate had on a side table. They then proceeded to break into my dad's place and repeat the same. They left just as my roommate got home. They also took my cell phone and all my keys.

You think that would be the end of it. Call the cops, do the report, get some things and stay overnight somewhere else. Well that is what I thought. Until I found out that they broke BACK IN after we boarded up the house and stole anything of value. Which is weird, because if it was the same guys, they would have still had my keys, and had no need to kick in the other, unboarded door.

Goodbye desktop.

Goodbye PS3 and Xbox 360.

Goodbye HD projector.

Goodbye cell

Goodbye horses....wait.

As noted by my roommate (who had his keyboard and guitars taken) the thieves made damn sure they didn't touch my books. I think text longer than a Smooth article acts like nigga garlic. And make no mistake, these were niggas (in the Boondocks sense of the word).

So now, all that I have left of my digital life is confined to my aging laptop and some burned discs of various utility. I am slowly rebuilding myself to the titan of technology you love and worship. But at least now you understand (at least some of) my online reclusiveness.

More to come soon....

Blog Fiction, Part 1: The Girl

This is the beginning in something I am calling Blog Fiction: an attempt to kick-start my writing while also getting feedback and attention. I am going to start five different stories, each using a different part of The Writer's Toolbox, and ask you to choose which one you want to see completed. This way, I get an idea of my strengths and weaknesses, and you get to shape a (hopefully) future literary phenomenon. Depnding on how it goes, I may even do a little e-publishing.

But don't worry, I will also find time to get another Hottie post up soon.

I loved the way she said "balloon". She said it as if she was blowing bubbles.

"You know what I can't stand? Balloon animals. Well not the animals per se, just the sound of them being made. All that squeaking and everything....make my skin crawl. Auuuugh."

There I was, sitting in the diner, staring at this beautiful woman who just plopped down in the seat in front of me and started talking, as if she was continuing a conversation instead of chatting up a random stranger eating a waffle.

"Um, excuse me....miss....but who are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, not the least bit remorseful, too busy staring at the biker at the counter. "Were you doing something important?"

"Yes. I was eating this waffle."

"That's important."

"Indeed. If I don't finish, the world will spin wildly into the sun's path and everyone on earth will be incinerated."

"Don't want that." She smiled, her teeth an eerie sparkling white.

"No, we don't." This was the first time I really noticed the halo. Well, not really a halo like on angels or nothing. Just a light glow around her hair. And her shoulders. And her legs. Her lovely legs.

"Amanda."

"Huh?"

"Name's Amanda. Pleased to meet you." She jutted out her hand and nearly knocked over my syrup.

"Likewise, I suppose." I caught the syrup in time, but she was barely fazed by it, waiting for me to finish the introduction. In the interest of peace and waffles, I obliged her. "Paul."

"You don't like to talk much, do you?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" At that moment, my lower brain was screaming at his upstairs neighbor. Mostly a lot of expletives, but the gist was dude...it is a hot woman initiating conversation and you are being an asshole. What the HELL?!?!?!

“I get it. You are just sitting here, trying to save the world with your waffle and some crazy-hot chick with killer legs just plops down next to you and starts with some random non-sequitur. You have no idea who the hell I am, but you are too attracted to me to really tell me to shove off. I see how that would be disconcerting.”

She did have some nice legs.

“Wonderful. A mind reader. So are you going to go now?” What the HELL, MAN?!?!?!!

“Nope. Wanna know why?”

“No.”

“Because I am the girl of your dreams, you lucky dog.”

Apparently the look on my face was the textbook definition of perplexed, for she continued. “You are in love with me; you just don’t know it yet.”

“What on God’s green earth makes you think that?”

“One, you haven’t stopped staring at me since I walked in. Two, again, you have yet to blow me off, even though you think you are irritated. Three, I am about to get you another waffle, and you aren’t going to say no.”

“So, not just a mind-reader, but a soothsayer as well.”

“Damn skippy.”

We stayed up all night at that diner, just talking. I told her about my folks, she told me about her mom. I mentioned my crazy dream of being an artist instead of an engineer, she told me about the time Ralph Trenant felt her boob and told everyone she was easy. It was back and forth all night. Laughing it up at points, sometimes crying, but never silent.

And then, after the diner closed and we were kicked out, we began walking to her home. Still talking. She was right you know. I was in love with her; I just didn’t know it until then. Then, all I knew was this crazy-hot chick with the great legs was my world at the moment, and I couldn’t understand why.

Yeah, it was great. It had been a while since I felt that good. I liked it. Maybe a bit too much.

Yeah, too bad she was dead at the time.

Oh, don’t worry though. She got better. It was just weird at first.

Huh? Oh, right. I suppose you want to know how, huh? Fine, whatever.